What 70 mph feels like

It can be incomprehensible - how quickly Life can change.

This is the real world; everyone has exceeded the speed limit at some point... and some more recklessly than others. What I have always wondered is what it would feel like to go that fast without a car shielding me from the air slicing by.

Foolish me, I got my answer.

Since accepting my new position at work, I have found myself with triple the responsibilities and what seems to be no way of slowing down. It doesn't help that the person before me basically played "pick-and-choose" with their duties for a few months (read: SIX), leaving the me with a whole pile of late fees, late filings, and lost investments. Allow me just this quick moment to bemoan my fate before I move on: It is difficult enough to learn (and master) a new position without having to play catch-up, and having emotional ties to the work that wasn't getting done, i.e. our 401(k) plans... retirement benefits... etc. *breathe*

On the other hand, I have found that I love what I do. I genuinely have an interest in my line of work - yes, it IS possible to care about water/sewer districts - and having three other people relying on me to get their payroll right has had a pretty good effect on my punctuality and decreasing procrastination. I get to travel more, make more money, and overall just enjoy doing a job that matters. I love my company.

Bruce is now well into toddler-dom, complete with all of the mountains and pitfalls that come with the territory.

Example: What seems like an amazing afternoon at the science center can easily lead to an overtired he-devil with crap running down his legs.

That being said, I am in awe of my little spawnling. His ability to grasp concepts and turn them into action is sick; I have lost track of how many times I look at him and think "Huh. Genius. Where the HELL did he get that?!" Oh, and yes... I know... every mother supposedly thinks that their little darling is carrying the cure for cancer in their perfect little craniums, and I don't doubt that most people would see my son as 'ordinary', and that is perfectly fine with me. All that matters is that Bruce will be growing up with a mother and father who love him unconditionally, and think he is amazing just by being himself.

Is that sappy enough for you?

With all the work that needs to get done at the office, I'm finding myself with less and less energy to fully engage Bubba when I get home. Thank God for Stephen; that man is a fountain of endless entertainment for our little man. Bruce is in that fun climbing stage, and Steve is more than willing to lay on the floor and let the midget scale "Mount Daddy" as often as he wants while Mommy curls into a ball and drools.

As with any feeling, hormones are produced. When under stress, your body naturally produces cortisol, the "stress hormone". Cortisol counteracts insulin, thereby raising your blood sugar levels (hello, fatty)... increases gastric acid secretion (hello, diarrhea)... increases water retention (hello, puffiness)... weakens the immune system (hello, perpetual sore throat)... halts the reproductive system (goodbye, womb-raider)... and more. Fun, huh? I tell you that to tell you this: Enough stress in your life feels like a damn high-speed zoom down the freeway.

When you don't know what to do...

... do what you know.

What happens when you don't know what you know?
Life, I guess.

She works hard for the money...
Things have picked up at work, so that the pace is akin to that of a the Road Runner on crack, with a battery pack shoved up an inconvenient location. Seriously. We just hired a new Executive Director (after 6+ months without one), and lost our Management Analyst that same week. In a 3.5 FTE (full time employee) office, you tend to notice the changes a lot better than at a larger office. Since one employee is new and one is leaving, that puts a lot more on my plate than usual... and with a couple big events coming up (Exec. Committee Retreat on 1/13 - 1/15, Semi-Annual Meeting on 3/18, and PRIMA conference in Orlando, FL on 6/6 - 6/9). GAH!

Home life is... difficult.
Bruce is amazing, as always, and has started showing more and more personality. Whether he's being goofy to get a reaction, concentrating immensely on whatever game he created for himself, or throwing a tantrum of epic proportions when he can't communicate what he wants, I am so incredibly blessed to have him as my son.

Living with Steve's parents for the last year has proven to be a great decision. I know a lot of married couples couldn't imagine living with their in-laws for a weekend, let alone a year, but I honestly love Russ and LaVada as if they were my own parents. I notice more and more, however, some areas where we're all trying to parent Bruce... so that's going to be interesting to address.

Steve and I seem to be mired in a rough patch that just won't go away. Starting back in late-June/early-July, we thought we had worked through it enough in August after attending counseling (independently and together), but it's all still there, bubbling into something dark and sinister. We're putting extra effort into seeing what can and can't be fixed, with the deadline of March 31st of this year; at that point, we'll decide what we should do. While I'm not remotely pleased with this particular aspect of our lives, or the idea of sharing it with x-amount of people online... but I have to get things out or else I explode. It's just the way I am.

Derby Girls and Book Smarts
Roller derby hasn't taken as primary a role as I'd like, so that's why it's near the top of the list of things I want to get back into this year... along with school. Thanks to bills, starting classes was pushed back to Spring Quarter. Meh. I just want to get the next two years over with, education-wise, so I can start earning the kind of money needed to make some of my dreams a reality. *breathe*

Bowing out (not so) gracefully...
I'm focusing on the positive, and hoping that gets me where I need to go. Granted, I don't know "where" that is, but chances are it's better than here.